Kimberly A. Cook

Military Romance Author

military veterans

Got Pandemic Short Timer Syndrome?

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Blooms in the neighborhood!

Spring Greetings! Unless you’re cowering under snow, then my apologies. We had a heat wave here in Oregon and it felt like August instead of April. Complete with fire warnings. Did that last year, no need to repeat, thank you very much.

Then the rains returned over the weekend. Good thing. We need to keep fire danger down.

But the two weeks of sun might explain part of our current Oregon Covid-19 fourth wave surge. We had sun for two weeks straight and lost our minds. 

Do you feel like you’re trying to give a cat a bath while trotting on a treadmill that’s sinking in quicksand? Yeah. Me too. I recognize this affliction. We called it short timer syndrome in the military. Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan veterans know about in spades.

It’s the limbo time before you go home from war, deployment, or get out of the military. Or in our case, mask wearing and pandemic social distancing.

It can be the most dangerous time of any mission.

You’re tired of everything. You want it to end. Your focus slips off the mission target. Then stupid stuff happens.

We be there my fellow recruits. Dig deep and hang tough. Last Monday I was released out of the gates like a greyhound chasing a real rabbit to sign up for a vaccine shot. And the race is on!

Since I’ve been too young and healthy until now in Oregon, grateful for that, I’m doing the shot-a-rama thing to get an appointment. Wish me luck! I’m the last in my family to get stuck and will do my part.

The Oregon Health Authority released a new web table tracking vaccines per county. OHA is doing a great job, by the way. And this fancy new graphic gave me an idea.

Let’s play a national game! We’ve got the data. In Oregon right now, Benton County on the coast is leading with 52 percent vaccinated versus second place Lincoln County coming in at 51 percent. You feel it right? The competitive American spirit. In a good way.

If we can get the National Football League to provide graphics, ESPN to get a Covid vaccine tracking board with a nightly update, Scott Van Pelt from SportsCenter to talk it up, we can ignite our competitive state pride. Add spiffy stickers to download for each state.

You know what will happen next. Las Vegas will set up the odds for the betting folk.

And everybody gets to play! Including Puerto Rico, Guam, District of Columbia, American Samoa, U. S. Virgin Islands, Northern Mariana Islands, and all the outlying islands and atolls. (We’ve got a bunch of those folks.)

Because as dysfunctional a USA family as we might be; we are gamers. Digital and old school. Online and offline. And if we think we’re going to let another state or area beat us, heck no.

I’m up for doing whatever it takes to get us to national herd immunity. For once, I want to belong to a happy cow herd. I’m thinking 101 percent. 101? We’ve got not-yet-born babies percolating as we speak people. This is a moving target!

Prizes? Shots in arms. But also important? Bragging rights.

The smaller populated states and territories and the District of Columbia have a very good chance at kicking big population state’s butts. For once.         

But the very best part? Saving lives.

Now we need a catchy name. US Super Shots Competition? USSSC? Sounds like a legit thing to me. Dr. Fauci can be the Commissioner!

These are the days we have to be crafty and creative fighting this global enemy.

Don’t take your eyes off the mission, gamers.

I know we’re tired, exhausted and cranky. I’ve even rearranged my refrigerator magnets. But now is when we dig deep and continue to mask and roll up our sleeves.

Join me in becoming a contestant in the USSSC.

I think as the bonus prize, the winning state or territory gets to pick the military aircraft flyover of their choice. Because that’s how we do it here in the USA! And our military pilots need the flight hours. Plus, it’s cool.

My aircraft shopping list? Several C-17s. Some C-130s. One B-52 and B-2 bomber each. A herd of CH-47 choppers. A flock of A-10 Warthogs! A bevy of Apache and Blackhawk choppers for spice. Local Air National Guard fighters. And the Air Force Thunderbirds and the Navy Blue Angels with some kicking Coast Guard rescue choppers. That’s a good start……  

And I must leave you with a fabulous lemur video showing how they celebrate spring at the Oregon Zoo.

P.S. BREAKING NEWS: Just got my shot appointment scheduled. Syringe ahoy!

Baby Yoda at the Oregon Convention Center vaccine site supporting the National Guard! He is masked and vaccinated. My sister took this picture after her volunteer shift putting shots in arms and monitoring, while my brother-in-law escorts folks who use wheelchairs through the process. So proud of both of them. It takes all of us!

Holiday Parking Lot Demo Derbies?

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This is what it looks like in the produce aisle the Tuesday after Turkey Day with the romaine lettuce recall. Coleslaw, spinach and kale. Always kale.

My military training comes in handy since leaving the service. Valuable lessons learned can translate into great help when accomplishing one of my greatest joys, shopping. Now about this time of the year, I’d rather get three root canals than venture into a shopping mall.

But no matter how well I plan, there is always one item I need to pick up or purchase to complete my list of home needs, gifts or plain consumerism. Recently I got to thinking about which are the scariest parking lots I face on a regular basis. I’ve come up with my top four contenders.

4. Target. The mall in my area has both Target and Kohl’s with a very large parking lot joining them all together. Pure madness this time of year. Several years ago I adopted the back route maneuver. I go behind Target and park behind the store which does not link with the big parking lot. Problem solved. Quick exit and entry. No prowling the rows endlessly for parking spots. In and out.

3. Fred Meyer. (Kroger to the rest of you) Go mid-day, avoid weekends, or streak in at dinner time when most folks are eating. I park in the same area so I don’t lose Subie. There are a lot of silver SUVs around here. Have my list. Get in, get out. Occasionally I like to wander through the seasonal area for holiday entertainment. Especially when the biblical downpour from a thunderstorm made it so noisy on the metal roof a week ago Tuesday we couldn’t hear ourselves think. Best to wait that one out. I’m a native Oregonian, but I’m not stupid when it comes to rain where you need a scuba suit to stay dry.

2. Eye Clinic. This parking lot is pure peril. Not only am I driving with at least one eye dilated, but other folks flat-out can’t see. My remedy is to park outside the main parking lot. There are so many parking stalls back to back to each other, it’s a matter of time before there will be a complete gridlock crash zone. Of course, when I enter the doors and the sign says “No weapons allowed,” I can imagine that is because of the crazy drivers outside. Good to know.

1.  Home Depot. This is parking lot is the hands down craziest. That’s before the holiday season. One of the store’s I frequent is next to PetSmart, so now we’ve added a rash of crazy pet owners and excited dogs to the mix. (I rarely see cat’s shopping, they have staff.) When I am mission planning for an HD run, I am in full tactical mode. Head on a swivel. Rested. Full stomach. Water bottle in the car.

When going into this mission, I always plan for a two-fer; hit Home Depot and PetSmart. If you’re going to take your life in your hands, go for the gusto and reduce the odds with one combined operation and not two different trips. Lower your odds of chaos. Pre-planning includes finding out the items I want, if they are in stock and where in the vast warehouse of crazy they are located. Know your target and secure its coordinates.

When I want a helper at Home Depot, I can’t find one. When I go in armed with intell and know where I’m heading, they are everywhere. But first, you have to secure a parking spot. Be on the watch for pedestrians with a death wish wandering in every conceivable direction. They also are pushing carts and carrying loads of timber and metal sticks which they can swivel in an instant and knock you to the ground.

I’ve seen bushes walking with only legs visible, people moving into the traffic while texting on their phone and pushing a full shopping cart, and a family heading for the store entrance strung out for six blocks trying to muck up all traffic lanes. Manage your troop movements people! 

There are contractors and DIY’ers shooting out of the loading dock at any given time with varying velocities and no warning. You can be moving along at fifteen miles an hour and all of a sudden have a dual-wheeled one-ton pickup try to T-bone you with a load of patio bricks. Be very careful around the loading bays.

If the PetSmart doggie people wander over for home stuff after their visit to the treat store, now we’ve got an entirely new wrinkle to deal with at Home Depot. Thank goodness for cement floors.

When I arrive home safely from the HomeDepot/PetSmart mission, I am truly proud of myself. Until I realize I forgot the special cat food.

Curses!

Take it easy out there everybody and reward yourselves for a mission well done during these holiday parking lot horrors. Think outside the parking lot. The life you save may be the cat’s waitress.

Spec Ops Cat testing out the new holiday blankie from Kohl’s. I think it passes. Mission complete.