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Warrior Tales

Am I Me Only If The DMV Says So?

June 23, 2015 By Kimberly A. Cook 1 Comment

by Kimberly A. Cook            (Twitter@   WarriorTales)

I’ve always thought my eye doctor’s parking lot is the craziest to enter and exit when all of us patients with dilated eyes are trying to back up and drive safely when we can’t really see. That was until I tried going to the smaller DMV office since the big one is being remodeled.

Proof! I was out in 30 minutes. Ta Da! And NOBODY is seeing my new picture.
Proof! I was out in 30 minutes. Ta Da! And NOBODY is seeing my new picture.

First I couldn’t figure out how to get into the parking lot. What appeared to be the entrance had an out only arrow. The road I was driving on immediately turned into a dead end with a loopty-loop.

Sling-shoting out the back side of the loopty-loop, I spotted the side street where I needed to take a left hand turn to enter the street then another one to get in the parking lot.

I avoid left-hand turns like the plague, but now I had two in a row. Once I made it into the parking lot I had to stop just two spaces in. Thought I’d entered a demolition derby site. In front of me two cars were trying to back out of spaces at the same time while a yellow-shirted pedestrian who seemed to have no peripheral vision whatsoever stood behind them.

While all I could do was raise my eyebrows, I could tell the backer uppers were newby drivers since they were going three miles per hour backwards. The pedestrian finally noticed the black SUV trying to back over her and moved to the left, directly behind the second car backing up at two miles per hour.

I spotted an open parking space ahead while gangs of new pedestrians walked blindly from their cars across my lane and into the area where folks were waiting for driving tests with their cars. Yellow-shirted gal was roaming in that area so I thought she was either a driver or a tester. I’d actually been looking forward to renewing my driver’s license since the DMV is an awesome place to observe people. My writer heart was so excited and all of this parking lot drama was messing up my mojo.

Finally got parked and inside the building. Didn’t kill or maim anyone. I ‘m pretty sure. Saw the take a number machine. Got number 100 and they were on 85. Score! Waiting time, but not too much, just enough to snoop. Noticed one man having a tantrum about some paperwork license plate issue and the supervisor had come up to help the clerk. You know that’s never good for the citizen when the reinforcements show up.

Then I noticed a sign for the Express Line next to him. How does one get into the Express Line? There was a receptionist after the number machine, but the sign above her said to come up in the order of your numbers if you had questions. Well, the Kaiser Pharmacy staff has trained me well, so I get a number, sit down and wait. By the time I figured out maybe I was supposed to go to the receptionist after all, they called my number.

I haven’t renewed my license since the whole prove who you are rules went into effect, so I’d brought almost every piece of ID I own. I’d raided the fire safe and had my original Social Security card, my Passport, my two DD-214s to get the veteran designation put on my license, my driver’s license and the filled out renewal form from online. I knew I was golden.

“You have a PO Box,” said the clerk.

“Yes,” I replied.

“I’ll need to see a piece of ID with your street address on it, like a utility bill.”

Only piece of ID I didn’t have with me and could not produce. Even if I went back home. “But I have a PO Box since I got hit with ID theft and my utility bill goes to the PO Box,” I replied.

“But I need to see that because you’ve moved.”

“I’ve moved?” By this time I really thought I was losing it. Maybe I had moved without my knowledge.

“You have a sticker,” she said and pointed to my old Driver’s License.

“But I’ve been at the same address since 1998.” I really was having trouble grasping what was happening.

“Oh, let’s check your past licenses.”

Let’s do that, I thought to myself. Teamwork!

“We’re good, you’ve got the same address on your past licenses.”

Big release of tension on my part. I hadn’t moved without my permission. Seems my change of address sticker on my old driver’s license made her assume I had moved but I’d only added the PO Box. She then checked my DD-214.

“Thank you for your service,” she said.

“Sure.” I never know what to reply when people say that to me. “You’re welcome” doesn’t seem quite right and “anytime” is not coming out of my mouth either; twice was enough, thanks.

Got through my eye test fine, paid my money, went to the photo chair and promptly found out I had to have my glasses off for the picture. Rats! I wanted my new purple glasses in my driver’s license photo. I also would’ve put on some eye makeup if I knew my peepers were going to be naked on my license for ten years. Without eye shadow and my glasses I bear a striking resemblance to a ferret. Yikes!

Picture taken, temporary license given and back out the door to try and navigate out of the wacky parking lot. I feel really sorry for the new driver’s in Oregon. Forget the written and driving tests, you’re never going to make it into the parking lot!

P.S. I got the veteran designation put on my driver’s license so I can get discounts at Joann’s and Fred Meyers. Goal!

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Filed Under: Veteran Stories Tagged With: #Oregonvet, DMV, driver's license, drivers, Kimberly A Cook, military, Oregon, Oregon veteran, veteran discounts, Warrior Tales, writer

Do Dogs Have To Go To The DMV Too?

June 19, 2015 By Kimberly A. Cook 2 Comments

by Kimberly A. Cook              (Twitter@  WarriorTales)

Spent part of the morning at the DMV getting my driver’s license renewed. More about that Tuesday. Don’t worry, it’s a happy ending. However, the scariest part of the trip was trying to get in and out of the crazy parking lot. Wowsa! That got me wondering if maybe we should be licensing some of these doggie drivers instead because they’ve got better skills than some folks I avoided this morning!

Have a great weekend, drive safe out there, and Happy Quirky Friday!

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Filed Under: Quirky Fridays Tagged With: aninals, DMV, dogs, driver, driver's license, driving dogs, humor, Kimberly A Cook, pets, Warrior Tales

What Do Plastic File Cabinets, A Cement Rabbit And An Electric Chain Saw Have In Common?

June 16, 2015 By Kimberly A. Cook 3 Comments

by Kimberly A. Cook          (Twitter@   WarriorTales)

Those are the items I used to cut up the old cedar fence boards in my garage. Having a creative mind really helps when some of my home improvement projects go sideways. Besides using orange extension cords and yellow Caution tape when the fence blew down, I reckoned the leftover cedar boards were perfect for my fireplace. Just not in six-foot lengths.

Bunny working very hard on the job. Bun power!
Bunny working very hard on the job. Bun power!

Those who are keeping track remember the Skill Saw debacle, it worked but was too heavy for my right hand and lower back. In the interest of hoping to be able to use my right hand again, the fabulous recommendations of an electric chain saw from friends on this blog seemed the ticket.

Saturday afternoon I set out to take a shot at getting at least half of the boards cut up. Already had the shiny new Black and Decker electric chain saw. Read the manual. Poured in the bar and chain oil. Geared up with ear plugs, face protector and gloves. Then realized I had a problem. The chain saw requires two hands. Whose going to hold the boards?

Where are the minions when you really need them? Figured I could use the leftover plastic file cabinets stored in the garage to put the boards on and cut between them. Didn’t really work; boards moved and so did the file cabinets. Spotted the wood barrel from my Dad’s shop. Turned it over. Not the best working height, but it was stable. Next I needed something heavy to hold each board.

Bunny! Of my many yard art finds, I have a fabulous cement rabbit heavier than sin who made the perfect bunny wood weight. Bunny did his job, I fired up the new Black and Decker and soon there was cedar sawdust everywhere. I got so inspired I cut up all the wood.

Fours hours later with concerns I might not be able to walk or use my fingers on Sunday, I tidied up the garage, including saving the cedar sawdust. My friend Joann, pyromaniac that she is, uses leftover candles and sawdust to make fireplace starters. Nothing goes to waste! Got all the wood neatly stacked, put bunny back out on the patio and I was done for the day.

Somehow the wood pile looks a lot less impressive when it’s all cut up and stacked. But I’m ready for winter. Right in the middle of summer. Every girl needs her very own electric chain saw. And a cement rabbit!

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Filed Under: Creativity Tagged With: Black and Decker, cedar fence, chain saw, DIY, garden, home projects, Kimberly A Cook, rabbit, recycle, Warrior Tales, yard art

Are Your Ready For Some Squirrel Soccer?

June 12, 2015 By Kimberly A. Cook Leave a Comment

by Kimberly A. Cook             (Twitter@   WarriorTales)

I’m a big squirrel fan and I know many of you loved the water skiing squirrel. Found this old commercial with a very talented squirrel playing soccer. Outside the U.S. they call it football. I guess that energy drink really did work!

Have a great weekend and Happy Quirky Friday!

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Filed Under: Quirky Fridays Tagged With: animals, humor, Kimberly A Cook, pets, soccer, squirrels, Warrior Tales

PDX Carpet Selfies And Parade Hijinks!

June 9, 2015 By Kimberly A. Cook Leave a Comment

by Kimberly A. Cook                 (Twitter@   WarriorTales)

It is definitely catch-up time. So many fun things have been happening! Our favorite airport carpet was featured as the Grand Marshall at the Portland Rose Festival Starlight Parade. “PeeDee” rode in a fabulous red Cadillac and made quite the entrance.

PDX carpet shoe and toe selfie arriving home from Maui!
PDX carpet shoes and toes selfie arriving home from Maui!

Since we are ga-ga over our old teal carpet currently being replaced by new green carpet we haven’t bonded with yet, there is an entire industry of shoes, ties, mugs, you name it with the old carpet pattern. Even the pace truck for Saturday’s Portland Rose Festival Grand Floral Parade was wrapped in the pattern.

SO, of course you can imagine that I had a shoe selfie taken when we arrived back from Maui last month, so here is my photo complete with sparkly toes! This is not considered odd behavior by the way, shoe selfies with the old PDX carpet is the thing to do here while we all race to get pics taken before all the carpet is replaced.

Worthy of a “Portlandia” episode, we love our old carpet and it has risen to great heights; including a limited edition shoe from Trailblazer Damian Lillard. Only in Oregon, I guess. We take Keep Portland Weird to the MAX (Also the name of our lightrail train).

It was a very hot and toasty weekend and yesterday hit 91 degrees, so even though you might think the hot weather explains all the PDX carpet-mania, it doesn’t. I think what it really explains is that I was born in the right city, Quirky Portland, Oregon.  Because if everybody is a little odd, we all fit in!

P.S. I just registered to get in line for some used PDX airport carpet. Keep your fingers crossed!

www.pdxcarpetstore.com

www.twitter.com/pdxcarpet

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Filed Under: Travel Tagged With: amwriting, creativity, Kimberly A Cook, PDX, PDX Carpet, PeeDee, Portland Rose Festival, Starlight parade, travel, Warrior Tales, writers

HGTV For Elephants?

June 5, 2015 By Kimberly A. Cook 3 Comments

by Kimberly A. Cook          (Twitter@  WarriorTales)

Very big redecorating going on at the Oregon Zoo for years and this past week was move in time! I don’t know if the “Property Brothers” could have even handled these picky clients, but the folks who designed the new elephant habitat gave them all the latest home amenities for our popular pachyderms.

Just in time for a sizzling hot weekend here in Oregon, the elephants get to roam in their new home, complete with large windows, then outside play area, elephant proof gazebo and auto feeders and misters! Nothing but the best for our lovable giants. Check out the action. I couldn’t resist all three videos.

Have a great weekend and Happy Quirky Friday! (P.S. Lilly is still SO CUTE!)

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Quirky Fridays Tagged With: animals, authors, elephants, HGTV, Kimberly A Cook, Oregon Zoo, Packy, Portland Rose Festival, Warrior Tales, zoo

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